The Conspiring Universe

Posted by lei on August 28, 2013. Filed under:

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." -Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I have never felt this frustrated in my life, neither prayed this hard for something. I feel like I'm at the edge of a Grand Canyon cliff --The sight is surely nice and beautiful, looking straight ahead. However, looking down on my feet, the reality knocks in: my path ends here.

Has it really?

I refuse to accept that everything probably ends here, because, somehow, I feel like the universe is still giving me this slim hope that I'm still holding on up to this moment. Or is it a false hope and I'm I just being a blind optimist? I am done dwelling with this endless cycle but I have no idea why I can't just simply let it go. I'm still under the delusion that there might be a continuation to my path. Maybe I can't just see it right now cos it's foggy, or something, but I'm sure there might be something. There must be.

Funny how I'm so in denial right now.

Seriously though, I'm done crying my heart out whenever the reality hits me. I'm done with all these frustrations, year after year. I'm done waiting. I can't even cry hard enough and it seems like I already run out of tears to shed. I'm done. If I could bold this phrase again to give it more emphasis, I would. I'M DONE. I'M FUCKING DONE.

But my chest is being stubborn, acting heavy and all this shit.

I was rummaging over our bookshelf the other day when I saw the book The Alchemist. I then remember a quote from that book which somewhat makes me a little bit better. It says there that when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

What a fancy hope-giving phrase, I thought. The down side is I always get the opposite of what I want.  It's like the universe is always defying me at every steps I make. But can't I just win this time? Just this once? Please? I don't wish for materials things, I never did. So pretty please? Please? 

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